What good does it do to study the minds of yesterday and not have a platform to state your views. I am struggling with the idea of being a itellectual but not being able to effect abroad. I look at the success of other and yes it motivates me..But i want to be the motivation, what cause shall i pledge to? what forum shall i support? I do want to be SEEN

When I sit in my room........

When I sit in my room sometimes I stare at the wall and in the back of my mind I see that our relationship has stalled.. I am tired of you being the topic of my discussion, topic of my writing, reason for my frustration, reason for my crying.
This shit has to come to an end...Honestly, I am not being honest mainly because the truth does hurt and hurt you is not what I want.
So I hurt me, I stay here, I endure here, I become lost here....
I look at others daily, and daily I have had relationships, marriages, kids, and family vacations with others in my mind...so why stay here?
The hope I have in you is slowly deteriorating and maybe we both are waiting on the the straw the break the camels back...
And that is that!!!!

Baby Ruth

The thought of it has haunted me so long, my attempt to bury what I know to be true has not worked. I have longed for our situation to improve, we are at constant war with our "yang's" simultaneously. Having the patience to allow it to co-exist seems to far fetched now. My head hurts my hearts aches my stress is very flowing like the nile.
The other alternative seems eays, but so does life when you cant see what is ahead of you, I genuinely nee you now LORD..please let her say...."Baby Ruth"

WHAT WILL YOU FIGHT FOR?

What will she fight for? is it life, love, faith, your relationship with your deity? what will you fight for? because for some reason I do not believe it is me. I often question and wonder what life will be like without you, I know what emotions(for the most part) I will have to deal with. Yet what I really know is that that reality does not happen without me doing all that I can to make "us" work. I am fighting for you!!!! I fight for love, faith, my relationship with my God and my relationship with you.
Yet you can say...."I will be cool"
Yet you can say..."I do not know why I am here"
Yet you can say..."Call those other chicks or you do not trust me"

I do not understand......

MY MINISTRY

I am at a place now where i must make a game time decision, must totally submit to what God is doing, and must submerged into my calling. I am not doing the best that i can, but I know how...But how? how do i remain relevant, remain dedicated, remain prepared. Is it possible too? so many questions, not many answers..

I invite you God to take control over me and move things out of my way and move opportunities in...use me lord...

Loosing yourself

Ever find that what you use to not allow or tolerate has dramatically changed? Ever feel so torn on the inside that you hurt so deep yet you won't act on it for the sake of trying to keep peace? What peace is this that we long for? I ponder upon the idea of "settling" yet I do not believe that I am, for I know that what I feel is real, it is LOVE. Is Love enough to sustain a relationship, will loving someone bring me to loosing sight of who I am or thought I was. Compromising who you are can lead you to a state of frustration or depression, I am holding on to what I feel is real but I fear that when my cup runs over my ability to communicate maturily will possibly be compromised.

I Love her with every inch of me, but I can not loose me in Loving her.....

Divine Intervention

Often times we look above for guidance, answers, protection, understanding, but what we really find ourselves looking for in the midst of life's "bs" is divine intervention. Never do we pray so hard, never have we cried so much, so easy to live life when everything around you is golden. Then it happens, shit that is, as it always does...and what do we do? we wait for divine intervention, for whatever it is you believe in to step in and provide some level of peace during the storm.
I think the true measure of a man or woman is whether you can "sing" in the rain....well, i am trying but right now i am "hoarse"....

Fighting For Life

We fight for many things, life, love, work, the preservation of the aforementioned. Yet the struggle to preserve seems to be one that never ends, it is a continual task that shakes one to their very core. I fight to preserve what we have built, she fights to preserve "her point". And as scary as life is, I question what life would be like without her...
I am in love...but is love in me? I try to understand but do I the ability to understand?
So I walk through the darkness of disagreement and find that what 8 years have built is worth fighting for, for if it was not would I be writing, reciting, crying, dying, trying, and sometimes lying?......yeah I said it.....sometimes we contort the truth to fit the circumstance so that others emotion are preserved...."Keep it real" you know you didn't want to know the truth, so what I gave you was a version of what I know is the most you can handle......I digress, for I have only said things to protect you, and I have not said things to intentionally hurt you....This Piscean hurts more than you could ever imagine, this love is worth grabbing and holding on too right?

time will tell...